Meditation and me

My mind resists, holding on at the tethers, cajoling me to not let go. Surrender is not a state it likes being in. I understand its apprehensions and I know where they come from.  I have had many confrontations and subsequent head on battles with my mind. I thought of it as an enemy, working against me and out of my control. It turned out to be stronger than I imagined and it took all my physical and mental energy to get through the day. Later, I realised the Gandhian way. What could be won over with love , did not need daggers drawn. I befriended my mind, acknowledged its power and all the good things it allowed me to do. I thanked god every day for an active mind that got me through adverse times. Slowly it began to work and we became good friends. It no longer chattered endlessly and heard me when I had a point to make.

A long time has passed since then and admittedly, we still battle at times. Today, a very dear friend coaxed me into some meditation, something I have been wanting to practice for very long. For the entire 30 minutes of it, one thought kept coming back and stayed with me. It blocked the path of release and though I was visibly physically relaxed, my mind was edgy. To me, what has seemed to work is a form of meditation that would allow me to transcend the conscious and tap into the subconscious. I am sure all of meditation does that and I may not find what I am looking. Maybe the meditation is deep within my mind and I am not being able to tap into it.Maybe I am not ready to be vulnerable yet.

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About Namita

A melange of colors, just like the rainbow. Sometimes, as bright as the yellow sun, brimming with energy. Then driven by the passion of red to pursue my dreams. Calm like the clear blue skies and playful like streaks of violets. I am a collection of stories, each different and yet the same. I am simple in my complexities and something in my nothingness. For my bread and butter, I am a reflexologist – a profession which is more than just a job, it is my passion. When I am not busy in conversation with the feet, I potter around with my camera lens, indulge in good music and snuggle in with my books. And when my energies begin running low, nothing perks me more than traveling to unknown places, meeting all sorts of people and exchanging tall stories. I am a founding trustee of the Uday Public Charitable Trust that hopes to provide the gift of education to children of martyred soldiers and also other deserving children. It is a cause close to my heart. My gypsy heart cannot sit still and I must always move, explore…The mountains call out ever so often and I am off with my backpack. Trek, trek, trek…I want to push my limits always..rediscover my fears and move forward with my strengths. i love myself and my life, I must be god’s favorite child . With much to do and much to see, i am on the brink of another journey, always.
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2 Responses to Meditation and me

  1. Rahul Dewan says:

    It may be a good idea to drop your judgements and thoughts about you not being vulnerable, and some specific thought troubling you, and tapping into subconscious.

    “If you cannot remove a bad habit”, they say, “replace with a good one”. Try a simple form of meditation, which is to simply sit with your eyes closed and listen to some real calming music like a Sitar or Sarod; another one which works very well for me is “mountain meditation” – imagine yourself to be a mountain or a hill and “see” a river flowing next to you, and birds singing all along it; “see” trees growing over you, and people walking.

    “become” the “consciousness” of a mountain for 15 minutes. since i know you, i think this should come fairly easily to you.

    and this will be one heck of a meditation session. try it! with some light music in the background would be even better – but music which helps create “visions” of a mountain in your mind.

  2. Namita says:

    Thanks Rahul, for all the suggestions. I did enjoy the mountain meditation technique. I may have finally found myself a very gifted meditation teacher, who has begun working with me. That seems to be helping even more now.

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